Deception in Recession

hello?
is there anybody in there?

If I happen to become the greatest disappointment
Remember to place the gun next to the pen
So after the fact I can fill you in

imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery
so fuck you

Pay my respects
for all the failed regrets
No matter how hard I try
I'll never get them back
No matter how bad I feel
they'll never become undone

Now its one more time
I feel the pain inside
And it hurts so much
Cause I messed it up

Will it change me?
Knowing it can't be
One word spoken too strongly
I can never inflect
One word spoken too many
I'll never open my mouth again

Now its one more time
I feel the pain inside
And it hurts so much
Cause I messed it up

Turn me around
for all the vengful sound
A cold shoulder I deserve
hitting me in the jaw
A cold glare that I'll wear
eyes stare at the ground

Now its one more time
I feel the pain inside
And it hurts so much
Cause I messed it up
Its over and out
Pounding the shout
One more time
I'm in a hole
and won't stop digging

Stop to pay my respects
to all the mounting regrets
one more time its pain inside

Passed That

Who the fuck are you
To point the fucking finger at me
Turn that fucking thing around
And point it right between
I wish there would be no blood
So when I fuck you up
I can walk away fucking clean
It’s a mistake to underestimate
I’m so fucking determined
I could rip out your soul
Through that fucking finger
And fit it right up your ass
I’m not mad, I’m passed that
Its one last straw I cant hold
For once my hands aren’t tied
So I can watch them go through
And out the back of your grin
Motherfucker how does it feel
Neal before me
And ask yourself a question
Who the fuck are you
To point that fucking finger at me
Turn that fucking thing around
And point it right between
Your two fucking eyes
So I can force your face in your shit
Could it get more outrageous
Fucking claims I’m ashamed I heard
I would beat you without mercy
I would hate to spill your blood
Hate to let your see your worth
Hate to make you a scene
Or let some one feel sorry for you
Fucking piece of shit lets cry for you
Let me fucking die for you
Let me bury me, right before you
Let me lie down and take it for you
You and accuser too
Your fucking reason to be
Your reason for leaving
Let me get on my knees
Let me get fucked over again
Point that fucking thing one more time
See where it goes

It was you push me down
It was my face put on the ground
It was you never around
It was me going away

Hold it in like bad breath
Little needles of penicillin
Amputee running away
Tripping over crossed fingers

It was you depress my ego
It was you eating my lunch
One dimension staring at me
It was me turning at away

Hold it in to keep it heavy
Your led shoes save your from lightning
…

Give me a break its only eight
Fly bys are drive bys
Counting down numerals
Extinguishers
Tile instead of hard wood floors
Easy to clean the blood
Sip smoke but drown petals
Hit or miss, moss
Gallant try, rings
It was you
It was you hurting me
It was you push me down
It was you face to the ground
It was you I’ll never know
It was you push me now




-i dont know whats wrong with me, i cant write any more...

Is it all falling apart?
Can it be constructed?
It fights and pulls
Sacrifices go untold
I’m tripping in
this hole and wondering
If its so good
Why am I stumbling?

Caustic whispers deliver
stories of worries and doubt
And only breathing can heal
the suffocating I feel

Is the shell cracking open?
Can it be glued together?
It cuts and stings
Red bandage rings
I’m slipping through
the grip I used to hold onto
If I’m so smart
What was it that I knew?

Caustic whispers deliver
stories of worries and doubt
And only breathing can heal
the suffocating I feel

It’s all so confusing
The placidness’ consuming
Sweating hands abusive
Instruction introduces
New rapport and inclusive
But always just a martyr
No one none the wiser
As its fumbling all away
Everything just breaks today
Everything on this broken new day
just fade away
just fade away

If you could just see the simplicity
In breaking me, I’d be surprised
If you hesitated

I listened to your cries
As you beat against my chest
And I wore the bruises as
A sign of my bravery

Brevity is best, served
As a cold side dish to
Your honesty

Cause I cant believe
A word you say without
Taking a grain of salt with it

So went up to North Carolina for 10 days, it was a lot of fun, was with Heather the whole time, very nice, very nice.

Getting back into the groove of work. Right now, just really dont know what to think about it. Just so much change that has been going on, and really none of it positive. I am starting to get bored I think...something good needs to happen, soon.

Heather and I just had our one year. One Year. We are so awesome. I love you :)

I am restructuring my room, work is starting to suck, I still can't drive, my friends are driving me crazy. I'm a mediocre wreck.

School is right around the corner. I dont know how to react.

Dane Cook fuckin rocks my socks. In a completely heterosexual way.

Saw a friend from work, Jessee, for the first time in a long time, it was tres cool.

I'm getting Hungry

Should I ramble a little bit more?

Saw Wedding Crashers the other night, very funny, tears nearly spilled from the laughter. Heather was cracking up too.

Read a book. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Not to sound cliche, but nearly life changing. I adored it. Seriously, any who reads this journal, doubtedly no more than two people tops, and one has already read the book, you have to read it, need to read, definately should, gotta, must read this book.

"Am I more then you bargained for yet?"

I want to be injected with music, that would be nifty

and it always be good...

How long till one more drop of heartache
Overflows this container of life
She picks out pieces of lint from her lashes
After wiping away her tears on her sleeve
As she readies her brush caked with make up
She takes a deep breath and applies
But just a minute ago she was pounding,
Her fists screaming "Fuck You!" on his chest

The plea was gutteral
And now shes stuttering
Left there wondering
When 's that last drop coming

She was eager to rest her head on his shoulder
How badly she needed another lover
Some one new just to wake up to
Arms to hold her under cover
So when her best friend raved about her new lay
The beau next dorr with the calm brown eyes
And went into explicit detail
She nearly screamed while she fell down

The plea was gutteral
And now shes stuttering
Left there wondering
When 's that last drop coming

That last night when daddy went to work
She could feel the cold that hurts
So as he locked the door behind him
She clipped her nails next to the fire
And tossed in every letter sent by father
Typed with a hand stamped signature
Blew out the candles on her night table
And sobbed Happy Birthday as she closed her eyes

The plea was gutteral
And now shes stuttering
Left there wondering
When 's that last drop coming

An apology won't do
The pain is out of view
In this life of heartache
Nothing seems new
But that last drip
Is trembling on the facet
This dam can't take a flood
It was built with sweat and blood
Sometimes thats just not enough